In my first post I said I wanted to be honest with myself, with God and with you. Well praying didn't work out well last night. The words are in my head so why doesnt God just hear them. When I pray it seems like it hurts more. I want to find peace in my heart, but wow for some reason I think it will just happen immediately.
Honesty seems to be a problem for me right now. Sounds strange I'm basically saying I'm a liar. But how can I tell people I dont know how to be a real christian or have the understanding that everyone seems to have but me. When I go to church, I watch how everyone will put their hands up and praise. You know when I feel really moved is the music, it's like I'm telling God through that when I sing along. But even then I'm careful, I don't want to embarrass myself. Not a great singer. I have never been able to just let go. I'm not a person who can go up to people at church and feel comfortable with talking about things. I'm a proud person, but not so sure what I'm so proud of as you can see my posts are about not being honest. Have you ever felt like someone will pity you if you tell them that you are lost? I guess that's how I feel. Don't get me wrong. I have a great family, we laugh, play and do things together. I'm not desolate, it's just a feeling of sadness when I am with people and see how they are with others.
Things have gone wrong in the past couple of years. But everyone has issues like this, but how do you deal with them that you don't let them weigh you down forever. Funny I'm putting this into a forum for anyone to read. Why would I do that, because I want to believe that I'm not the only one who can't seem to get their "Walk" going and if I'm not alone and this blog will help someone else find their way, well then I have done the right thing. I guess the first thing is how will anyone even find this? Never really thought about it. I have been surfing every blog seeing if there were answers for me there. Whether someone finds it or not, Hey, makes me feel good to write it down :) I will post a little more later tonight. I want to look up some passages on prayer.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You are not alone. I read your post and it could have been written by me! I will be praying for you. Keep searching. God wants you to succeed, not just exist. He loves you more than words can express. Ask Him to teach you to pray and remember that praying is just talking to Him.
ReplyDelete