It's been a little bit since I posted. Things have been a little tough the past week. Things that make you wonder why do things like this happen? Sometimes I find having faith just a bit tough, but I will muddle through it. Asking for a few prayers this week to help me find the strength to keep plugging along. I know that even the strong have moments. But I'm not nearly strong enough right now or where I should be.
My prayer request is to help me find the strength to communicate with my family without appearing as a needy person, but someone who has the strength and love to keep us where we belong. To make the right decisions for my family and without going into great detail of how to communicate my love for my extended family better.
A quick note about my extended family (which I'm not sure that I would say extended). I can tell you that I'm not the easiest person to love and I have a tendency to shy away from anything that would put me in a "needy" position. Alot of times this comes across as aloofness or maybe not caring enough. But I found this past year that my love for them is so unconditional and my greatest fear is losing one of them again that I could never survive it. So sometimes I'm too afraid to tell them this, so I'm looking for that strength to not shy from them to try and protect myself. They say God will never give more than you can handle, well he sure has pushed the envelope with that this past year. So I need to trust I will get through it the right way not the "easy way"
Thanks for listening to me go on. I will be posting something on a lighter note in a little bit :)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
My Prayers
As I posted before on my blog, praying seems to be one of my stumbling blocks. I think it's because I feel like it's not good enough. I have started using Biblegateway to find scriptures on praying, which if you ever have a chance it's a great resource, I still feel I'm not getting how to really pray. Have you ever hear the term "Prayer Warriors"? I have had opportunities to listen many times to people I would consider "Prayer Warriors", and you find that everyone is so different when they pray. Now I know that is the way it should be, but how do you find those words to glorify.
Glorify: to honor with praise, admiration or worship
I know that is what my heart is saying, but the words cannot seem to follow. A couple of days ago I started working on praying each morning and evening. Doesn't that sound bad, that I have to work on it. But my heart tells me if I do, I will be more comfortable and not feel that I'm stressing over this. I go to many blogs and I read how words just flow about their love for Jesus. How I would give anything to not sound so cold and can have that warmth when I speak or write about our one true God.
I tried to type a prayer a few minutes ago and was wondering is it wrong to type that out on a blog? I am better at writing than I am at speaking.
I found this article that I think would describe me. Although I believe I know God, I just don't seem to know how to relate to God. That sounds bad huh.
How can I trust God without knowing him first?
Some prayers do require the person praying to trust God first. Prayers for wisdom require that one trust in God's wisdom and ability to distribute it to others (James 1:5-8). Prayers for miracles require that one not doubt God's ability and not be simply testing God (Mt 21:21-22, Dt 6:16). However, this does not mean that unbelievers are unable to pray to God, or that they must agree to worship God without first knowing his character. All an unbeliever has to do is simply ask, "God, please reveal yourself to me."
Glorify: to honor with praise, admiration or worship
I know that is what my heart is saying, but the words cannot seem to follow. A couple of days ago I started working on praying each morning and evening. Doesn't that sound bad, that I have to work on it. But my heart tells me if I do, I will be more comfortable and not feel that I'm stressing over this. I go to many blogs and I read how words just flow about their love for Jesus. How I would give anything to not sound so cold and can have that warmth when I speak or write about our one true God.
I tried to type a prayer a few minutes ago and was wondering is it wrong to type that out on a blog? I am better at writing than I am at speaking.
I found this article that I think would describe me. Although I believe I know God, I just don't seem to know how to relate to God. That sounds bad huh.
How can I trust God without knowing him first?
Some prayers do require the person praying to trust God first. Prayers for wisdom require that one trust in God's wisdom and ability to distribute it to others (James 1:5-8). Prayers for miracles require that one not doubt God's ability and not be simply testing God (Mt 21:21-22, Dt 6:16). However, this does not mean that unbelievers are unable to pray to God, or that they must agree to worship God without first knowing his character. All an unbeliever has to do is simply ask, "God, please reveal yourself to me."
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Church
Hebrews 10:24-25 (New International Version)
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
As you can see this is definitely a reason for us to attend. After doing alot of research today on the internet I saw many negatives to attending church, all about money, people are hypocrites and rules to condemn you.
But as read the above scripture, I interpret this as to say that you need to make this a habit, not only for your sake but for others. Encouraging and praising together is also a way to make you accountable. I know that may be taking it a bit further, however, if I don't show up and someone calls me to see how I am, then I need to take it as such. Accountability does not have to be guilt ridden. I think that it is hard sometimes because you are not sure where that person is coming from. They may be saying in their hearts stay with me, I need you as much as you need me to keep our faith and be strong to praise Him.
Do I feel that some do it as a judgement, yes I do. So how do we keep from turning away from this. At times the approach feels not only judgemental but condemning. When that happens it is hard not to turn away. How do I approach that? I need to pray and not retort in anger, but to help them understand how I might feel. Or do I? I don't want to make someone feel bad, but I want them to understand that I am different.
Now if you read 1st Corithians chapter 12. Wow what an awesome chapter. Can it say it any better on why we should go. I plan on reviewing this section more and go a little further but I wanted to share what I read.
I will post tomorrow on what I read about prayer. I hope that you understand that I know all answers are found in the Bible, but I want to hear what others say and get a laymans view of their thought to help me decipher my own logic (which is a whole new section ). See you tomorrow.
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
As you can see this is definitely a reason for us to attend. After doing alot of research today on the internet I saw many negatives to attending church, all about money, people are hypocrites and rules to condemn you.
But as read the above scripture, I interpret this as to say that you need to make this a habit, not only for your sake but for others. Encouraging and praising together is also a way to make you accountable. I know that may be taking it a bit further, however, if I don't show up and someone calls me to see how I am, then I need to take it as such. Accountability does not have to be guilt ridden. I think that it is hard sometimes because you are not sure where that person is coming from. They may be saying in their hearts stay with me, I need you as much as you need me to keep our faith and be strong to praise Him.
Do I feel that some do it as a judgement, yes I do. So how do we keep from turning away from this. At times the approach feels not only judgemental but condemning. When that happens it is hard not to turn away. How do I approach that? I need to pray and not retort in anger, but to help them understand how I might feel. Or do I? I don't want to make someone feel bad, but I want them to understand that I am different.
Now if you read 1st Corithians chapter 12. Wow what an awesome chapter. Can it say it any better on why we should go. I plan on reviewing this section more and go a little further but I wanted to share what I read.
I will post tomorrow on what I read about prayer. I hope that you understand that I know all answers are found in the Bible, but I want to hear what others say and get a laymans view of their thought to help me decipher my own logic (which is a whole new section ). See you tomorrow.
Sundays
Sundays are the day that I work myself up. Sounds strange doesn't it. It's a battle! Trying to get the kids to stop fighting to get ready, try to get them to find things for church that they know they should have had all ready. Trying to look appropriate, now that's the kicker, I am always so worried about how I will look. When I go, I hide in the back. I didnt use to, but now I do. I try to avoid people that will say "where have you been"? Haven't see you in a while. And the guilt starts all over again. Now you and I both know that most people are truly just being nice and wanting to see how you are. So then why do I feel like I'm being judged? Well then it comes to the bad part, I try to justify that it's ok to just stay at home, because I can still be with God. And well that's where I am now. Just thinking well I can read scripture, try to pray, listen to praise and worship. Doesn't that cover everything from church? I know sounds like I'm trying to get someone to agree with me. But does it count? If the elderly can't get out and they watch shows on tv and they pray it's ok right. So do I have to go to church? If you have any scripture that can help me understand Iwould really appreciate that. I am going to look that up in the bible. I'm not looking for someone to tell me I'm right, I'm looking for guidance on what is right. And if you think about it how are my children learning to follow God? Ok, here I go rambling. It's like I'm doing pros and cons, that cannot be a good thing. This is one of those things I need to pray about huh? Thanks for listening, be back later? Glad to know someone is listening.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Honesty can really be hard
In my first post I said I wanted to be honest with myself, with God and with you. Well praying didn't work out well last night. The words are in my head so why doesnt God just hear them. When I pray it seems like it hurts more. I want to find peace in my heart, but wow for some reason I think it will just happen immediately.
Honesty seems to be a problem for me right now. Sounds strange I'm basically saying I'm a liar. But how can I tell people I dont know how to be a real christian or have the understanding that everyone seems to have but me. When I go to church, I watch how everyone will put their hands up and praise. You know when I feel really moved is the music, it's like I'm telling God through that when I sing along. But even then I'm careful, I don't want to embarrass myself. Not a great singer. I have never been able to just let go. I'm not a person who can go up to people at church and feel comfortable with talking about things. I'm a proud person, but not so sure what I'm so proud of as you can see my posts are about not being honest. Have you ever felt like someone will pity you if you tell them that you are lost? I guess that's how I feel. Don't get me wrong. I have a great family, we laugh, play and do things together. I'm not desolate, it's just a feeling of sadness when I am with people and see how they are with others.
Things have gone wrong in the past couple of years. But everyone has issues like this, but how do you deal with them that you don't let them weigh you down forever. Funny I'm putting this into a forum for anyone to read. Why would I do that, because I want to believe that I'm not the only one who can't seem to get their "Walk" going and if I'm not alone and this blog will help someone else find their way, well then I have done the right thing. I guess the first thing is how will anyone even find this? Never really thought about it. I have been surfing every blog seeing if there were answers for me there. Whether someone finds it or not, Hey, makes me feel good to write it down :) I will post a little more later tonight. I want to look up some passages on prayer.
Honesty seems to be a problem for me right now. Sounds strange I'm basically saying I'm a liar. But how can I tell people I dont know how to be a real christian or have the understanding that everyone seems to have but me. When I go to church, I watch how everyone will put their hands up and praise. You know when I feel really moved is the music, it's like I'm telling God through that when I sing along. But even then I'm careful, I don't want to embarrass myself. Not a great singer. I have never been able to just let go. I'm not a person who can go up to people at church and feel comfortable with talking about things. I'm a proud person, but not so sure what I'm so proud of as you can see my posts are about not being honest. Have you ever felt like someone will pity you if you tell them that you are lost? I guess that's how I feel. Don't get me wrong. I have a great family, we laugh, play and do things together. I'm not desolate, it's just a feeling of sadness when I am with people and see how they are with others.
Things have gone wrong in the past couple of years. But everyone has issues like this, but how do you deal with them that you don't let them weigh you down forever. Funny I'm putting this into a forum for anyone to read. Why would I do that, because I want to believe that I'm not the only one who can't seem to get their "Walk" going and if I'm not alone and this blog will help someone else find their way, well then I have done the right thing. I guess the first thing is how will anyone even find this? Never really thought about it. I have been surfing every blog seeing if there were answers for me there. Whether someone finds it or not, Hey, makes me feel good to write it down :) I will post a little more later tonight. I want to look up some passages on prayer.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Why is praying so hard?
I have wondered for a very long time why is praying so hard for me? I listen and I get distracted, I begin to pray and get distracted. It's as if I am being pulled away and can never fully give myself over to my prayer. Even at night I begin to pray and I will be thankful and may ask God to look out for us, but I get lost as I begin to praise Him. I have been so distraught during a prayer because I felt that everyone was getting it, they can listen and pray at the same time. They have all the right words, where do these words come from? How do you know what you are supposed to say. How do I glorify him through my prayers. I don't want it to feel like I have stress and stress over how do I tell Him through prayer. I want it to come from my heart, but what is my heart really saying? It is so strange that I can't seem to decipher my own heart. But I know that I want to have the ability to one day to be able to blurt out a prayer and let God know my love for Him.
Today I searched the internet on why praying is so hard for me. I came across a blog that a young man named Corey wrote. It was truly amazing, he speaks of letting go, be honest, God doesnt need fluff, he needs me.
I thought you might like to look at his article on Prayer. Insight I really enjoyed this article and thought how wonderful, I'm must not be alone or this article wouldn't exist. Well at least at this point that's what I'm going to go with, makes me feel a little better.
Tonight I am going to sit aside time to really pray. Seems kinda funny but if anyone sees this pray for me that I can finally say a whole prayer :)
Today I searched the internet on why praying is so hard for me. I came across a blog that a young man named Corey wrote. It was truly amazing, he speaks of letting go, be honest, God doesnt need fluff, he needs me.
I thought you might like to look at his article on Prayer. Insight I really enjoyed this article and thought how wonderful, I'm must not be alone or this article wouldn't exist. Well at least at this point that's what I'm going to go with, makes me feel a little better.
Tonight I am going to sit aside time to really pray. Seems kinda funny but if anyone sees this pray for me that I can finally say a whole prayer :)
Finding My Way
The last couple of years have been rough. At 45 I have looked back and remember some times that I wish I could go back to. I wonder are these rough times harder on me because I pretend to be a christian. I know I believe all the basics, but do I practice it each day? Do I let Jesus lead me or do I try to lead him? Am I blaming God for all the bad things and taking credit for the great things? I have many opportunities to let God help me, but I know I went the other way because it was "more convenient", less stressful, or a lot more fun the other way.
So my blog begins with my being honest with myself with God and with you. I want to find God and walk the walk. Not just talk it, but truly live it. I have always hidden from the responsibility of being a "true christian". I have been in awe of those who have such a strong faith and yet intimidated when with them that I feel so isolated. I want to use this blog to find a way to express myself and learn not to hide. I look forward to anyone who is beginning their walk to join me and for those who would help to guide me to find the right passages please stick with me. Don't let me give up. I know that God is waiting for me.
So my blog begins with my being honest with myself with God and with you. I want to find God and walk the walk. Not just talk it, but truly live it. I have always hidden from the responsibility of being a "true christian". I have been in awe of those who have such a strong faith and yet intimidated when with them that I feel so isolated. I want to use this blog to find a way to express myself and learn not to hide. I look forward to anyone who is beginning their walk to join me and for those who would help to guide me to find the right passages please stick with me. Don't let me give up. I know that God is waiting for me.
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